5 Ways to a Positive Online Dating Experience – Communication

In general, most online dating sites have a similar way that two people can begin the process of communication. The first step is typically where you either let someone know you are interested in selecting a button, such as "like" "poke" or "wink", etc. Other times, it's simply sending that first email to break the ice. Still other times, you are the one being contacted by someone interested. Now what?

Remember, this is YOUR dating experience. If someone shows interest in you, be sure to take the time to thoroughly review their profile before responding. Be honest with yourself and what you are looking for. If smoking is a dealbreaker for you and the person who contacts you claims to be a "social smoker", remind yourself that you are seriously looking for your perfect partner. Even if those eyes are hard to resist, do you want them lighting up next to you on your first date?

Then again, what if he/she looks great? They match everything you've been looking for and you are ready to learn more about them. Here are five steps to help you work through the initial communication process.

The magic word of online dating: Honesty

I can't say it enough; you should be honest with yourself when you talk to strangers online because it is absolutely the key to successful online dating. The negative association with online chatting and dating comes from people who were trying to "play" the other person or claim to be something that they weren't.

If you feel the need to impress the person because you don't think what you have to offer is good enough, you are setting yourself up for disappointment in the future when you can't live up to your tall tales.

This applies to people you are interested in communicating with as well as the people you aren't. Many people who don't want to correspond with someone who has contacted them simply don't message the person back. This creates a "limbo" effect for the person who made the initial contact and it doesn't give them closure. If you aren't interested, tell them so.

If you are afraid of hurting their feelings, you can tell them that you are already communicating with someone else. Although again, I still find that it's much better to simply say that they don't have the qualities you are looking for and move on. Believe me, more people appreciate that than you think.

It's good to be vulnerable when talking about yourself with an online date prospect

Okay, so telling them that you wet the bed until you were 12 years old is probably not the best way to show your vulnerability during your initial conversations. However, I encourage you to open up about why you have decided to try online dating and what you hope to get out of it.

If you don't feel comfortable enough telling the person intimate stories about your childhood or your relationship with your family, then start small. Talk about your most embarrassing moment or why your favorite channel on television is Animal Planet. Let the other person know that you are comfortable with who you are and what you enjoy or dislike.

Almost naturally, the more open and vulnerable you are about yourself, the easier it is to bring those same qualities out in another person. Just be careful – if someone decides to confide in you with something very personal, be compassionate and keep it to yourself. Vulnerability is about trust and trust is what relationships are built on.

Leave a few stones unturned when telling your story

While opening up to a person is a great way to get the lines of communication flowing freely, you want to make sure you are leaving some information to be discovered. Always leave them wanting more. Nothing is more exciting than when you are communicating with a person and your stomach jumps when that next email pops up in your inbox.

Lines like "that's a story for another time" or "the punchline is much better in person" create intrigue and playful banter. Plus, if it does get to that first date level, you want to have plenty to talk about!

Talk about things that are important to you in a relationship

Don't be afraid to ask for what you want to maximize your online video conversations. You've read through their profile and it looks pretty great, however, you still have some questions about their character and personality. So . . . ask them! If they are undecided about wanting children and you want them, ask what their opinion is. Once again, if you feel like you are being intrusive, you have to remember that you have committed to finding the person that is right for you.

If you prefer blonde hair and the person just so happens to be a brunette, the relationship may not end in tragedy. However, if you want to move across the country one day and the person you are talking to never wants to leave the city, let alone the state, this could present problems for you in the future.

So ask questions. Find out what is most important to them as well. If you don't think you can fulfill what they are looking for, do them a favor and move on.

Get their story through online dating communication

Find out as much as they are willing to tell you. I've found that it is not just women that like to talk about themselves, regardless of the stereotype. Many men love it when a woman shows interest in their life; what they've done, what they are currently doing, and what they'd like to do. Find out what their childhood dreams were and the name of their favorite pet growing up. What do they like to do in their spare time? What would they do if they never had to work again? What is their favorite color?

No question is stupid if it is important to you. Plus, you can tell a lot from a person simply by how he answers a question, regardless of the content. If a person doesn't want to tell you anything about himself, and you are finding that it's hard to get anywhere with him, picture how the first date would go. Then, decide whether you want to continue communicating. I've told someone after a few emails that I just didn't feel like there was any chemistry based on his responses. I know it can be hard, but this is your life and your happiness.

Remembering that statistics tend to vary, generally speaking, about 40-50% of first marriages end in divorce. Meanwhile, 60-67% of second marriages and 73-74% of third marriages end the same way. I am not afraid to go out on a limb and say that many of these relationships probably lack the right kind of honesty and communication. If you can establish a strong communicative foundation from day one, you have nowhere to go but up.