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  • Emily Ratajkowski Understands Instagram

    23 January 2015, 5:06 pm by: Lex

    This actress turned nude model turned actress with suddenly much better roles knows exactly how to play the game. Play the topless dancer in the song Robin Thicke borrowed from Marvin Gaye. Take a bath on Instagram. Be the Fappening chick who frigs herself so…
  • Taylor Swift Sells Incredible Things

    23 January 2015, 4:00 pm by: Lex

    Taylor Swift has a new fragrance. As you can imagine, it’s just as irrepressibly fresh and flirty and fun as she is. With just a hint of cat pee and Sara Lee cheesecake bites to remind you of your own special destiny. It’s also based on her favorite…
  • Kate Hudson Is Single

    23 January 2015, 3:13 pm by: Lex

    Every five years Kate Hudson composts her hemp diaphragm and lets a rock star make a baby inside of her. Get your discography together if you want to make a good looking kid. Not that you heard it from me, but I’d wait until you see the glassy stare in her…
  • Mike Tyson Likes Mussolini And Shit Around The Web

    23 January 2015, 3:00 pm by: Jack

    Former heavyweight champ and permanently concussed Mike Tyson said that he often tries to emulate Benito Mussolini. To be fair, Tyson didn’t really know that Mussolini was a vicious tyrant who raped and assaulted his own people. Or maybe he did. Iron Mike…
  • Eugenie Bouchard Forced to Twirl (VIDEO)

    23 January 2015, 2:19 pm by: Lex

    A  sports commentator asked female tennis star Eugenie Bouchard to take a twirl and show off her tennis outfit after her match win at the Australian Open. I was slack jaw waiting for the bobbies to arrive on kangaroos and beat the tar out of the old man with…
  • Miss Universe Costume Contest Went Well

    23 January 2015, 1:15 pm by: Lex

    The Miss Universe pageant tried something new this year by having the girls wear costumes that represented their homelands as depicted in 1950′s era racist Atlases. Those ones where there were black tribalists with spears in the middle of Botswana. Miss…
  • Oregon Woman Finds God in Her Yoga Pants

    23 January 2015, 12:32 pm by: Lex

    A hot looking young Christian mom talked to God and God told her to stop wearing stretch pants in public. Jesus is kind of busy this time of year picking winners in football games, so just a break she even got through. Veronica Patridge talked to her…
  • Men’s Fashion Comes Clean

    23 January 2015, 11:50 am by: Lex

    After decades of men’s fashion pretending it had a reason to exist other than for bi-curious males to get busy in dressing rooms, fashion designer Rick Owens sent his male models down the catwalk in Paris flashing bare junk. They’re not really modeling…
  • Those Cheeky Bastards Punked All Of Us

    23 January 2015, 11:30 am by: Matt

    CNN and me and other semi-legit news outlets reported British tabloid The Sun was going to stop running topless models on their semi notorious Page 3, which was curious since this is the only thing they are known for. Turns out they were having a laugh. The…
  • Ariana Grande Headlines All Star Game

    23 January 2015, 11:04 am by: Matt

    The NBA has a firm grasp on its fan base. They’ve tapped a dwarf who wears cat ears and appeals to modestly reformed pederasts on the loophole that she is technically an adult, all be it with a glaring hormone imbalance, to headline the All Star Game’s…

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