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  • Suge Knight Might’ve Just Killed Somebody

    29 January 2015, 7:20 pm by: Lex

    As somebody who almost took a journalism class once, I have to consider running with a story that Suge Knight just killed a dude in Compton. It certainly rings true, but is it really news? Suge Knight murders Hmong family of seven? Maybe. If he used…
  • Parents Pissed Over Kiddy Strip Search (VIDEO)

    29 January 2015, 3:39 pm by: Lex

    They don’t fuck around at Texas schools with sensitive solutions to serious problems. When the principal at an elementary school kept finding human kid shit on the floor of his gym, he rounded up all the tykes under his roof, split up the boys and girls to…
  • Candice Swanepoel In Just Jeans

    29 January 2015, 3:23 pm by: Lex

    I’m told denim was the hottest fabric at Paris Fashion Week. I don’t know exactly how many fabrics there are, but if you’re discounting Kazakhstani mohair and human flesh made by horror film bad guys, I think there are only four to choose from. Still,…
  • Gwyneth’s Steamy Vag And Shit Around The Web

    29 January 2015, 3:00 pm by: Jack

    Goop goddess Gwyneth Paltrow is recommending her readers steam their vaginas. Apparently, Gwyneth shoots scented steam up her love tunnel like an 1800′s locomotive. Doctors and sane people don’t think you should do this. Lesbians remain cautiously…
  • Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Braless Aroma

    29 January 2015, 2:56 pm by: Lex

    If you’ve ever thought to yourself I’d like to smell like a pale chick in a slip, I’ve got the fragrance for you. Rosie for Autograph. I have no idea what that means. Only that it will make you smell like lilac and isopropyl alcohol rather than Jason…
  • Tila Tequila Doesn’t Need Porn Awards

    29 January 2015, 1:52 pm by: Lex

    Tila Tequila is humble in her victories and gonorrheic in her defeats. No sooner did she win best celebrity sex tape at the AVN Awards for Anal Plunge 2: Tila Pretends To Have an Unauthorized Sex Tape, than she announced Farrah Abraham can have the trophy. She…
  • Slash And His Girlfriend Get Marked

    29 January 2015, 1:12 pm by: Lex

    Slash and the girl he started banging after leaving his wife recently got matching GPS coordinate tattoos. Slash got them on his neck because he’s bolder in selection of tattoos he’ll soon come to regret. Based on my ability to type into Google Earth, the…
  • Justin Bieber Sincerely Apologizes (VIDEO)

    29 January 2015, 12:22 pm by: Lex

    There’s some kind of quiet dignity in being a colossal dick. An arrogant ass who doesn’t give a fuck about anybody but himself and how he’s feeling from moment to moment. Not those small time punks who piss and moan. I mean one ginormous a-hole who fucks…
  • Chelsea Handler Pasties On A Camel

    29 January 2015, 11:27 am by: Lex

    Best I can tell some Make-A-Wish kid asked to see Chelsea Handler’s tits. Maybe after he was told he couldn’t suffocate a white rhino with his Phantom Menace pillow. That’s the most popular wish. Those kids really fucking hate endangered species. Seeing…
  • Emile Hirsch Gets Pushy

    29 January 2015, 10:07 am by: Matt

    Actor and part time drug hatch Emile Hirsch kind of assaulted female Paramount exec Dani Bernfeld at a nightclub near the Sundance Film Festival in Park City Utah. Police investigated the matter but let Hirsch go because domestic violence remains legal in…

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