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  • Olivia Munn Is Getting Sloppy

    22 April 2014, 6:46 pm by: Lex

    Olivia Munn used to be fun. She’s got those Eurasian looks that make dudes assume you could fuck her while watching a ballgame while women see right through her sinister shit and want to slit her yellow throat with an onyx blade while she slumbers. I might…
  • Scary Spice Just Doesn’t Give a Shit

    22 April 2014, 6:13 pm by: Lex

    I guess we all get to that age when it’s just fuck it, I’m going to stick my hand up my ass in public. You would never peg a musical talent like Scary Spice to go thong hunting right there in Beverly Hills, but, dammit, she once lip-synched Wannabe to…
  • Nigeria Seems Like a Fun Place to Take the Kids

    22 April 2014, 5:43 pm by: Lex

    Sometimes, you look at a shithole and you think to yourself, man, that’s the shittest shithole I ever did see. There’s no way that shithole could be any shittier. That’s the kind of thinking that leads me to believe you’ve never been to Nigeria. That…
  • Jenna Dewan Tatum and Minnie Driver Are Almost Naked

    22 April 2014, 4:23 pm by: Lex

    I don’t know who else is in here. Damn, I want to be Photoshopped like Minnie Driver. I could be a god. You can’t even see her brown tooth or that plate of St. Louis style ribs she ate in ’98 that stuck around her hips. Sorry, Minnie, please don’t quit…
  • FEMEN Moves Their HQ

    22 April 2014, 3:35 pm by: Lex

    Nothing says we are legitimately angry dikes quite like picking Paris as your new international headquarters. That’s exactly what the brave topless warriors of FEMEN have done, moving their yeast-filled Honeycomb Hideout from Maria’s stepmother’s…
  • Kate Upton Makes It Hard To Follow Orders

    22 April 2014, 3:00 pm by: Lex

    Kate Upton has a lot of rules. The last one was about how you’re not supposed to openly jizz thinking about her big yabbos, just adore them discreetly and pay with direct deposit or something. Girls who look like Kate Upton get to make all the rules. That…
  • Anastasia Ashley Has an Ass Built for Burgers

    22 April 2014, 2:44 pm by: Lex

    Mmm, burger and ass. That’s only been the best combination since the dawn of time. Sometimes, I’ll see a fine woman’s ass in a bikini and think to myself, man, how fat would I have to get eating Carl’s Jr. burgers before I could hit that. And I know…
  • Richard Gere Is Tantric-ing Padma Lakshmi

    22 April 2014, 12:57 pm by: Jack

    Pretty Woman Richard Gere has apparently been giving it to Top Chef hottie Padma Lakshmi. This in spite of the fact that he is currently in the middle of messily divorcing his wife Carey Lowell, a.k.a. that short haired model chick from Law & Order a decade…
  • Miranda Kerr Looks Tanned and Rested

    22 April 2014, 12:34 pm by: Lex

    I think somebody once called divorce a little death. But everybody seems to be pretty damn happy after divorce, as opposed to a funeral, where there are tears and suffering and loss. Though, in both cases, there is usually some opportunity for reckless sexual…
  • Khloe Kardashian Is Not Currently Screwing Her Brother

    22 April 2014, 12:24 pm by: Jack

    Big boned Kardashian sister Khloe made it clear that she is not having sex with her brother Rob. She made this revelation while she was guest hosting Chelsea Handler’s horribly canned laugh track funny funny show. She and Rob are currently living together…

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