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  • You know, Kirsten, You’re Even Pretty When You’re Fat

    29 August 2014, 5:25 pm by: Lex

    Senator Kirsten Gillibrand is so angry that her older male colleagues made comments about her weight and looks, she wrote a memoir about all of the three in total horrible things she remembers them saying to her while a member of Congress. Now, she’s selling…
  • Rihanna Drinks Until She Breaks Out

    29 August 2014, 4:38 pm by: Lex

    Rihanna works hard and plays harder. That’s so fucking Bajan. But even she knows you can’t get loaded every single day of the year. When her zits start bursting and dousing the kids in the front row, she goes full temperance. When I feel like my skin has…
  • Kendall Jenner Denies Being a Cold Texter

    29 August 2014, 3:25 pm by: Lex

    In a growing scandal nobody really gives a fuck about, they just need an excuse to show half naked teen girls (myself included), Kendall Jenner denies that she and her working girl sisters were texting during the VMA minute of silence for kids throwing Molotov…
  • Eiza Gonzalez Is No Miley Cyrus

    29 August 2014, 2:23 pm by: Lex

    This is the Mexican singer who stole Miley Cyrus’ fiance last year by pointing out that she was far hotter, had bigger tits, and didn’t wipe her poo hands on her lips after taking a shit just to seem punk. She also has a Spanish accent. A Spanish accent…
  • Liv Tyler’s Ass Is Back

    29 August 2014, 1:47 pm by: Lex

    It’s been a whole two days since I’ve had Liv Tyler’s wet derriere boarding a sea-faring vessel like a pear shaped pirate. That’s forty-eight hours too long. Unlike the celebrities with their asses injected full of pigeon fat and finely ground gravel,…
  • Zara’s Holocaust Shirts for Kids Not Selling Well

    29 August 2014, 1:33 pm by: Lex

    I don’t know, maybe if you’re an online retailer selling in Israel you don’t go with the kids’ shirt design that causes your customer base to remember the stripes and yellow stars of the Jewish death camp in World War II. Maybe for an edgy John Waters…
  • Britney Spears Had a Shitty Day (VIDEO)

    29 August 2014, 12:22 pm by: Lex

    Britney Spears’ boyfriend David Lucado was caught on tape dancing and making out with a woman who was somebody else’s chubby girlfriend. The Britney Spears conservancy, also known as Britney’s dad’s rent money, is spinning the story that they reached…
  • Lara Bingle In A Silver Bikini

    29 August 2014, 12:02 pm by: Lex

    This Australian model is dating the dude who defended the blue people in Avatar. Once you’ve saved the tree huggers from big oil, you can have your pick of models around the world. I rescued the Na’vi, while in a fucking wheelchair, how about you come back…
  • Coco Austin In A Thong Bikini

    29 August 2014, 11:44 am by: Lex

    I blame hip hop culture. For everything. Before rap, gasoline was ten cents a gallon, the merriment of children filled the streets, and big fat asses were simply known as big fat asses. Grotesquely enlarged butts just peaked in Barbados where Coco’s ass…
  • Michael Vick Is Jilted

    29 August 2014, 11:11 am by: Matt

    Michael Vick is pissed that teammate Riley Cooper did not text him back after Vick texted to congratulate him on his new contract. Vick is a rare breed who holds the emotional vulnerability of a schoolgirl with the ability to kill furry dogs without blinking.…

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