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  • Jay Leno Declared Officially Funny

    21 October 2014, 9:02 am by: Matt

    Jay Leno was honored at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. Leno has been hypnotizing his vanilla wafer eating audience into a state of catatonia for the past two millennia. When you lack a memorable sense…
  • Stella Maxwell Wears Lingerie

    20 October 2014, 5:22 pm by: Lex

    I’m going to assume Victoria’s Secret is more rigorous with their age screening process for models than they are for the garment workers in their swank Myanmar warehouses. I can abide toddler sewing slaves, but the notion that I might be thinking adult…
  • Sometimes It’s Hard to Kill a Woman

    20 October 2014, 4:24 pm by: Lex

    Arizona is still trying to get the death penalty for Jodi Arias over six years after she shot, stabbed, and carved up her boyfriend because she got lost a little in her crazy girlfriend role. Arizona has always struck me as a place where they move pretty…
  • Kim Kardashian Assplay Cinema

    20 October 2014, 3:10 pm by: Lex

    Sometimes you just want to take your best gal to a weekend matinee. Maybe grandma. Or the nieces and nephews. You don’t want to have to explain to a bunch of high fructose corn syrup jacked up grade schoolers where Kim Kardashian ass babies come from. Do you…
  • Ray Rice Might Play And Shit Around The Web

    20 October 2014, 3:00 pm by: Jack

    It looks like Ray Rice’s indefinite suspension may not be so indefinite. He may get to play as soon as next month. If you think about it, he’s less likely to hit his wife if he gets to spend Sundays with the guys. If you think about it. Read all about Ray…
  • Nina Dobrev In A Bikini

    20 October 2014, 2:33 pm by: Lex

    89% of television is now softcore gay vampire fare. I think this is what Jerry Falwell was forecasting would happen back in the 1970′s if Hollywood heathens were allowed to start making television shows without his supervision. In defense of the immortal…
  • Iggy Azalea’s Ex Is Not So Good at Threats

    20 October 2014, 1:39 pm by: Lex

    Nobody goes through life without at least one shit heel of an ex. It speaks to our stupidity as a species. Dung beetles know better than to mate because ‘they’re in love’. Humans insist on hooking up with whoever makes our genitals moist and pisses off…
  • Nicole Richie Seems Composed

    20 October 2014, 1:13 pm by: Lex

    Nicole Richie celebrated the replacement of her last natural body part over the weekend with a fancy no-food party at Bloomingdales. It saddens me that women ever feel the need scalpel and inject and Scented Magic Marker themselves into unrecognizable collagen…
  • Natalie Gal Figures Out America

    20 October 2014, 12:18 pm by: Lex

    There’s a race every October to be the first woman to hold up two pumpkins at chest level so we can all pretend gourd tits is still fresh and funny. It’s the kind of thing that might be amusing between you and your girlfriend before sex in the way that…
  • Juiced Up David Beckham Ditches His Three Year Old

    20 October 2014, 12:00 pm by: Lex

    There’s a good reason why David Beckham left his preschool age daughter alone in the car over the weekend. Juice. Pressed organic juice. Just a quickie. One more for the road. It’s been so long. Daddy needs his fix. Try not to be kidnapped. I’ll leave…

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