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  • The Crap We Missed – Thursday 9.18.14

    18 September 2014, 3:30 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where we abandon our creepy theme for straight-up buttcrack, because we’re clickwhores who feed on pageview dollars. That said, You’ll Never Believe What Happens After Quincy Jones Suckles At Queen Latifah‘s…
  • The Other Models Are Mean To Kendall™, You Guys

    18 September 2014, 1:32 pm by: The Superficial

    Kendall Jenner genuinely believes her modeling career is solely the result of “hard work,” and being like super pretty, but even models whose diets consist of a sprig of kale and heroin know it’s because someone who fell out of the same vagina as her got…
  • A Lady Gaga Post? Okay, Why Not?

    18 September 2014, 1:30 pm by: The Superficial

    So remember Lady Gaga? Weird nose, kind of a Madonna thing going on? It’s not important. Anyway, here she is in Athens yesterday where she did a bunch of stuff with her tits and ass which I’m now posting on the Internet for people to get boners from…
  • Avril Lavigne & Chad Kroeger Headed For Divorce

    18 September 2014, 12:31 pm by: The Superficial

    Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger already shat in our ears musically, so what other purpose could their marriage possibly serve after that? It did what Satan intended it to do, and now it’s time for her to fuck some other shitty band from my freshman year of…
  • Mexico Wants To Kill Miley Cyrus Now

    18 September 2014, 11:54 am by: The Superficial

    If Breaking Bad taught me any lessons in life, it’s that a man shouldn’t have to ask for some goddamn pancakes, and that Mexico will cut your head off and stick it onto an exploding turtle. Which is why I couldn’t be more excited to tell you that it…
  • Jenny McCarthy Lost Her Wedding Ring Already

    18 September 2014, 11:17 am by: The Superficial

    Because Jenny McCarthy is like super hilariously dumb, you guys – haha, *snort* – she already totally lost her wedding ring, and she hasn’t even been married a whole month! *farrrt* But definitely listen to her for medical advice though. Us Weekly…
  • Jonathan Dwyer Is Today’s Woman And Child-Beating NFL Player

    18 September 2014, 10:35 am by: The Superficial

    The NFL had just finished sweeping Adrian Peterson under the rug yesterday when barely a few hours later Jonathan Dwyer was arrested for allegedly assaulting his wife (twice) and 18-month-old son because it was only a matter of time before Ray Rice and Adrian…
  • Good Morning, Nikki Lund, And Other News

    18 September 2014, 9:19 am by: The Superficial

    - George Clooney only has nine days left to say “Psyche!” - Beyonce will Photoshop the lip syncing in later. - It’s Yoga Pants Season - Alanis Morisette is blonde now. - Having trouble going into labor? Batman a purse snatcher. - CBS pulled “Run…
  • The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 9.17.14

    17 September 2014, 4:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Have we mentioned this week’s theme is creepy? Because this week’s theme is creepy. Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, starting with old Bitchface McGee, the first ingredient in this rich stew of butts, twenty-year-aged Coco (Hint: It’s gone…
  • Reggie Bush ‘Harshly’ Disciplines His One-Year-Old

    17 September 2014, 3:11 pm by: The Superficial

    Of all the people who stuck their penis into Kim Kardashian and survived, Reggie Bush managed to walk away relatively unscathed if not justifiably credited for having as much sex with Kim as he could while appearing on her show as little as possible. The man…
  • A Moment For Candice Swanepoel’s Butt

    17 September 2014, 2:16 pm by: The Superficial

    I’ve got another post coming up where some asshole not only defends Adrian Peterson, but openly considers using a switch on his child. So before we all feel really dark inside from churning up repressed childhood memories, here’s Candice Swanepoel’s butt…
  • Adrian Peterson’s Nike Contract Is Suspended

    17 September 2014, 1:42 pm by: The Superficial

    Because if everyone works fast enough, the NFL can sweep this all up by Thursday night, Nike has suspended Adrian Peterson‘s contract, according to ESPN’s Darren Rovell: “Nike in no way condones child abuse or domestic violence of any kind and has Read…
  • Beyonce Has The Photoshop

    17 September 2014, 1:05 pm by: The Superficial

    Joan Rivers‘s death might have exposed the fatal danger of selfies in the medical field, and large swaths of America still thinks it’s acceptable to beat children with wooden objects, but let’s take a moment for the very serious issue of whether or not…
  • Joan Rivers’ Doctor Took A Selfie During The Biopsy That Killed Her

    17 September 2014, 12:27 pm by: The Superficial

    When Joan Rivers died, the clinic where her heart stopped received an assload of backlash which apparently it should have because not only was a biopsy performed without her consent, but the doctor performing it took a selfie in the middle of it. I warned…
  • Adrian Peterson Suspended From Minnesota Vikings Indefinitely

    17 September 2014, 10:43 am by: The Superficial

    The Minnesota Vikings thought they could squeeze Adrian Peterson into at least one game and score a win this Sunday before they’d be forced to cut him from the team in because some hippie-dippie types don’t understand good old fashioned southern whooppings…
  • Good Morning, Ana Braga, And Other News

    17 September 2014, 10:04 am by: The Superficial

    - Here’s Beyonce drinking champagne, everyone who bought the pregnancy rumors. - Ariana Grande hopes all her fans “fucking die.” - Booty Shorts Have My Attention - Adrienne Baillon is still shitting on the Kardashians. - Yes, let’s ask Miss America…
  • The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 9.16.14

    16 September 2014, 3:30 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where we ask the impossible question “Who’s creepier, Jessica Simpson or yesterday’s Mitch Winehouse?” And the answer of course is Terry Richardson, because no sane person would actually suggest out loud the…
  • Martha Stewart Is Cutting Bitches

    16 September 2014, 2:17 pm by: The Superficial

    Martha Stewart has a drone, so right off the bat, you don’t fuck with that. She’s also done time, so before you think you can just waltz into her territory with your macrobiotic cranberry sauce and free-range giblet gravy served in authentic ancient Mayan…
  • Ryan Gosling And Some Whore You Hate Just Had A Baby Girl

    16 September 2014, 1:32 pm by: The Superficial

    Congratulations, a wax statue gets laid more than all of us now. Ryan Gosling was totally going to marry you, but then Eva Mendes threw her slut pussy onto his erect penis while he was trying to send you a romantic dick pic. – WHORE! – So now Us Weekly…
  • Adrian Peterson Allegedly Beat Another Kid

    16 September 2014, 12:43 pm by: The Superficial

    “See, Mike, your mistake was using dogs. Now kids? Kids are where the good whoopin’s at. Not only is that shit legal, but mothafucka’s will actually go on TV and defend your ass.” “For real?” “Google Charles Barkley, son.” Because Adrian…
  • Coroner: Lindsay Lohan Never Touched Whitney Houston’s Body Bag

    16 September 2014, 11:35 am by: The Superficial

    In a new interview with The Telegraph, Lindsay Lohan claimed she handled Whitney Houston’s body bag during her court-ordered community service at the LA County morgue. Which obviously never happened because Lindsay Lohan said it did, but just for fun,…
  • Rihanna To CBS: ‘F*ck You For Pulling My Song’

    16 September 2014, 10:43 am by: The Superficial

    In light of the Ray Rice incident, CBS decided to pull “Run This Town” from Thursday Night Football because Rihanna was the victim of domestic violence, so let’s make her feel ashamed to have her music broadcast before the sacred and holy communion of…
  • Kanye Is A ‘Married, Christian Man,’ You Assholes

    16 September 2014, 10:08 am by: The Superficial

    Kanye West has found himself in some shit after not once, but twice, demanding everyone at his shows stand up during his performance of “Good Life.” Which seems innocuous until you realize there were handicapped people in the audience who had to literally…
  • Good Morning, Claudia Romani, And Other News

    16 September 2014, 9:12 am by: The Superficial

    - Holy shit, Angelina Jolie‘s new boobs are in a tanktop. - John Travolta‘s pube beard will talk about those gay allegations now. - In case Claudia Romani isn’t enough bikini butt for you, enjoy. - Kylie Jenner is a Kardashian Dirty Bomb waiting to…
  • The Crap We Missed – Monday 9.15.14

    15 September 2014, 4:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed where I specifically chose this lead shot, not because it’s probably the creepiest photo I’ve ever seen, but because I think we can all agree that if Mitch Winehouse would’ve gone a little heavier on the…
  • No, Beyonce Isn’t Pregnant Again, Shut Up

    15 September 2014, 2:51 pm by: The Superficial

    Back in July, Beyonce started changing song lyrics to make it sound she was getting a divorce which turned out to be a bullshit hoax to sell tickets. It was a lesson learned by everyone, and only an idiot would try pulling the same stunt twice, so here’s Jay…
  • And Now Back To Sexy Celebrities In Bikinis, Or Just Demi Lovato

    15 September 2014, 2:05 pm by: The Superficial

    Now that I wrote a short novel about corporal punishment, here’s Demi Lovato lounging poolside in a bikini which is about as non-controversial as it gets until you find yourself wondering where Wilmer Valderrama is and start Googling local high schools to…
  • On Adrian Peterson And ‘Whooping’ Kids

    15 September 2014, 12:44 pm by: The Superficial

    Because the Ray Rice elevator video wasn’t enough to remind everyone that the NFL has Read More ...
  • Nicki Minaj Doesn’t Want You To See This Photo

    15 September 2014, 10:53 am by: The Superficial

    There’s nothing even close to natural about Nicki Minaj‘s ass, but apparently it’s not gargantuan enough for her live performances because here she is performing at Fashion Rocks where a photographer managed to catch a shot of her buttpad. Except in the…
  • When Kanye Says Stand, Don’t Give Him No Shit About No Wheelchairs

    15 September 2014, 10:08 am by: The Superficial

    Because Kanye West is an egomaniacal man-baby, he lost his shit not once but twice in Australia during two separate shows where audience members didn’t immediately stand up when he told them to. I mean, it’s not like they were in a wheelchair or something,…

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