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  • The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 4.33

    20 December 2014, 9:54 am by: The Superficial

    Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet, and possibly the last one for the year unless you fuckers bring it over the holiday like you did this week which I’m not at all ruling out. On that note, huge thanks for one…
  • The Crap We Missed – Friday 12.19.14

    19 December 2014, 3:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed, a surprisingly large collection not only for a Friday, but the LAST SHOPPING FRIDAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!1 *runs naked into mall, punches Santa* Am I handling holiday stress correctly? Anyway, today’s TCWM is mostly…
  • Marissa Mayer Wouldn’t Hire Gwyneth Paltrow Without A College Degree

    19 December 2014, 1:56 pm by: The Superficial

    While this story is ultimately one of many piss-poor business decisions that will eventually drive Yahoo! into the ground, it does involve Gwyneth Paltrow being deemed “less than,” so my pants are already off. This is happening, people. Just embrace it.…
  • Charli XCX’s Breasts Are Back

    19 December 2014, 1:12 pm by: The Superficial

    I still don’t know who or what a Charli XCX is, or why her name is a Bratz doll, but I do know you people will click the hell out of her breasts, so here they are at the Jingle Ball in Chicago last night because I show you the occasional boob, and then you…
  • Stephen Collins: ‘I’m Not A Pedophile’

    19 December 2014, 12:35 pm by: The Superficial

    To most people, when you force three young girls roughly ten years of age to pleasure you sexually, that’s basically the exact definition of a pedophile. But if you’re Stephen Collins, flawed human being who’s been forgiven by the love of Christ, that…
  • Kate Upton Wins ‘Sexiest Woman’ At PEOPLE Awards

    19 December 2014, 11:41 am by: The Superficial

    Kate Upton won the PEOPLE Magazine Award for Sexiest Woman last night and couldn’t look more boring doing it, but you’ll notice that didn’t stop me from posting about it, or PEOPLE from finding literally anybody else, because we both bow at the altar of…
  • George Clooney: ‘Hollywood Pussied Out’

    19 December 2014, 10:49 am by: The Superficial

    A week before almost every major theater chain in America backed out of showing The Interview because hackers said the words “9/11″ causing Sony Pictures to pull the movie theatrically and VOD so it could file an insurance claim, and protect itself from…
  • Good Morning, Vicky Pattison, And Other News

    19 December 2014, 9:33 am by: The Superficial

    - Burt Macklin: Velociraptor Cop: Justice just got a new name. - Legolas wants to do Lord of The Rings porn. The world needs three hours of dongs going in! - Jennifer Aniston grouchy? Inconceivable. - If You Like Tattoos, Get Over Here - Here’s why…
  • The Crap We Missed – Thursday 12.18.14

    18 December 2014, 5:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, starting with what it would look like if heroin could wear a bikini, because this is a classy institute of journalism, not two men in their thirties who’ve been preoccupied all day with Hilary Duff‘s butt…
  • Jesus Forgave Stephen Collins, Everybody, It’s All Better Now!

    18 December 2014, 3:51 pm by: The Superficial

    As Stephen Collins continues his public tour to just explain to people that he only molested three kids, so it’s really not that bad, one of his victims has come forward and justifiably shat all over his claims that it was just a “spontaneous touching”…
  • Bill Cosby Paid ‘Fat Albert’ Writers To Write His Doctoral Thesis

    18 December 2014, 3:13 pm by: The Superficial

    After obtaining his doctoral degree from UMass, Bill Cosby made it a point to be an extra special asshole about it and demanded everyone refer to him as “Dr. Cosby” even though the validity of that degree was being called into question as early as 1985.…
  • Alessandra Ambrosio Topless And Stripping Down To Her Panties, Anyone?

    18 December 2014, 2:35 pm by: The Superficial

    I’ve got posts about a child molester and an alleged rapist coming up, so for something less depressing here’s Alessandra Ambrosio stripping for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which means Lindsay Lohan‘s shitty video was sandwiched between a world-class…
  • Madonna Compares Album Leak To ‘Rape’ And ‘Terrorism’ Because Madonna

    18 December 2014, 12:56 pm by: The Superficial

    For the past month and a half, there’s been a prominent discussion highlighting the trouble women go through to have their rape accusations taken seriously, and just two days ago the Taliban attacked a school in Pakistan leaving over 140 children dead, so…
  • Nicki Minaj’s Nipple Was On TV!

    18 December 2014, 12:07 pm by: The Superficial

    A major American film studio completely caved to North Korea-sponsored hackers essentially putting unprecedented power into the hands of anyone who can access rich people’s emails, but that was 10 minutes ago. Now it’s all about Nicki Minaj’s nipple slip…
  • Sony Cancelled ‘The Interview’ Because of North Korea or Something

    18 December 2014, 11:03 am by: The Superficial

    If you somehow haven’t heard by now, Sony Pictures cancelled The Interview, an upcoming comedy where James Franco and Seth Rogen assassinate Kim Jong-un, after a bunch of hackers called the “Guardians of The Galaxy” or some bullshit said the words 9/11…
  • Good Morning, Colleen Shannon, And Other News

    18 December 2014, 9:52 am by: The Superficial

    - Selena Gomez came down with the drama in front of Beyonce. Girlfriennnddd… - Nicki Minaj is going to blow up dickheads. - The time Alex Trebek almost quit Jeopardy because he was asked to have feelings. - Wake Up With Jennifer - Pat Robertson thinks…
  • The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 12.17.14

    17 December 2014, 4:15 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed which you will notice is getting lighter and lighter as we get forcibly dragged deeper into the holday hole. (No Collins.) But we still have some good shit for you, like Cuba Gooding Jr. going full Tom…
  • Bertney & The Amazing Computer Magicked Bikini

    17 December 2014, 3:33 pm by: The Superficial

    Bertney And The Amazing Computer Magicked Berkini Belly A Positive Reinforcement Reader It was a very special day for Bertney. She was at the courthouse seeing the nice old judge who always had the best news to tell Papa. “Well, Mr. Spears,” the judge said…
  • A Paris Hilton Panty Flash Post? Why Not?

    17 December 2014, 2:18 pm by: The Superficial

    In case you can’t tell we’re circling the holiday toilet for news, I already wrote about Lindsay Lohan today, and now here’s Paris Hilton flashing her panties because it’s 2006 again. (To top it off, this is me punting my way to a Bertney post to…
  • Bill Cosby’s Daughter Thinks Rape Accusers Should Go To Jail. Yup.

    17 December 2014, 12:50 pm by: The Superficial

    Now that we’ve seen two videos of dancing breasts (here and here), let’s find out what stupid shit Bill Cosby‘s defenders are saying today. This time around it’s his daughter Evin Cosby who has been increasingly using her Facebook page to support her…
  • And Now Here’s Lindsay Lohan’s Sad Video

    17 December 2014, 12:09 pm by: The Superficial

    While Emily Ratajkowski’s LOVE Advent 2014 video awakened me on a spiritual and emotional level by making me realize that, yes, I absolutely would have a threeway with a panda, Lindsay Lohan‘s is a sad, depressing look at the futility of life. Her breasts…
  • Emily Ratajkowski Made One of Those Sexy Dancing Videos, Too

    17 December 2014, 11:06 am by: The Superficial

    Here’s Emily Ratajkowski‘s video for LOVE Magazine’s Advent 2014 which involves her dancing braless in a loose tanktop while tugging on her panties, so there’s literally no reason for you to have read any of this. In fact, the only person who should be…
  • Stephen Collins Confesses To Molesting Three Underage Girls

    17 December 2014, 10:20 am by: The Superficial

    Despite audio recordings of him admitting he’s a child molester being leaked to the press, Stephen Collins had the benefit of everybody forgetting all of this even happened thanks to Bill Cosby and a large swath of assholes believing his wife made the whole…
  • Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

    17 December 2014, 9:06 am by: The Superficial

    - Aaron Sorkin should really stop talking. - James Franco only wants to fuck Lana Del Rey‘s music. Her vagina bores him. - Scary Spice‘s husband might be an abusive asshole. - Nothing Beats A Woman’s POV - Elisabeth Hasselbeck is still a giant…
  • The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 12.16.14

    16 December 2014, 3:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Tuesdays The Crap We Missed, lead by Kylie Jenner‘s butt because sharing a cell with you guys doesn’t sound that bad. (Fish makes a delightful toilet sangria.) We’ve also got Mariah Carey giving the first ever case of adult on-set scoliosis,…
  • Justin Bieber Can’t Get Laid Because He Looks Like Ellen Now

    16 December 2014, 2:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    “Are you my mommy?” “Shut up and smile, twinky. I eat twat-farts like you for breakfast.” Posted by Photo Boy Most of the time when I’m thinking about the world and why it’s awful, Justin Bieber comes up. Today must be the exception, because…
  • Jennifer Aniston Doesn’t Get Why Everyone’s Obsessed With Her Body

    16 December 2014, 1:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Posted by Photo Boy Fish and I have historically¹ held differing opinions on Jennifer Aniston. I find her attractive, while he prefers the company of his illustrated books and his things. *watches him rearrange figurines on his desk for Tuesday positioning*…
  • Mama June Won’t Make A Sex Tape, We’re Saved!

    16 December 2014, 12:19 pm by: The Superficial

    Choc-oh-late? Butter? Sgetti? Baby Ruth? Yesterday, we learned that Mama June was offered $1 million to make a sex tape because Steve Hirsch is the goddamn devil and now is the hour of his unholy reckoning. Except Mama June is a good, Christian woman and has…
  • The Ass Circle Is Ass Complete, Now Khloe Is The Ass Master

    16 December 2014, 11:36 am by: The Superficial

    With Kim Kardashian relinquishing her ass crown to chase an impossible dream that’s never going to happen even if you dropped her from the Empire State Building, it’s now Khloe‘s turn to bask in the warm ass sunlight. So here she is riding a horse while…
  • Camille Cosby Just Went Full Dottie Sandusky

    16 December 2014, 10:12 am by: The Superficial

    When it became clear that Rolling Stone catastrophically fucked up its reporting of a UVA fraternity gang rape, the immediate concern was that this would make it even harder for rape survivors to come forward especially those on college campuses where…

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