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  • The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 4.23.14

    23 April 2014, 4:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where Fish slapped his editorial dong on my desk and made me lead with Science Bros up there. While I freely admit to having no clue what the hell that is, I also enjoy not shaving for weeks at a time and don’t…
  • BREAKING: Hilary Duff Is Still Hot

    23 April 2014, 3:03 pm by: The Superficial

    It’s been seven days since we last posted pics of how hot Hilary Duff looks now which is practically a crime, so to remedy that, I had Photo Boy toss together a gallery of pics of her from the past few days. And before anyone brings up that I was a little…
  • That Clown’s Having Sex With Julia Louis-Dreyfus

    23 April 2014, 1:33 pm by: The Superficial

    Because apparently her new thing is to get naked for any magazine that asks her to, here’s Julia Louis-Dreyfus having sex with a clown for the May issue of GQ where at least they had the courtesy of not making it look like she thinks John Hancock signed the…
  • Laura Prepon Denies Dating Tom Cruise, Claims Scientology Isn’t Homophobic

    23 April 2014, 12:35 pm by: The Superficial

    Last week, Laura Prepon was linked (again) to Tom Cruise except in two new interviews to promote the second season of Orange Is The New Black, which she almost wasn’t apart of for reasons that now sound even shadier, she denies dating him while making sure…
  • And Now Back To Celebrity Groins

    23 April 2014, 11:26 am by: The Superficial

    My last post involved not equating with homosexuals with pedophiles which required way more critical thinking than some of you prefer or are even capable of, so fortunately for you here’s Rumer Willis flashing her panties. And guess what? They cover her…
  • Every Single Lawsuit From Elmo’s Accusers Has Been Thrown Out of Court

    23 April 2014, 10:35 am by: The Superficial

    Kevin Clash was a young black man from the projects of Baltimore who only had one dream: To work in children’s television like his hero Captain Kangaroo. Through hard work, dedication and talent, he found himself working for Sesame Street Workshop and soon…
  • Good Morning, Sara Malakul Lane, And Other News

    23 April 2014, 9:22 am by: The Superficial

    - Selena Gomez broke up with Taylor Swift, too. - Is R. Kelly‘s housekeeper 14? Then this probably didn’t happen. - Never Underestimate The Power of Underboob - Pitbull predicted the Malaysian Airlanes crash because the Illuminati. - Aaron Sorkin is…
  • The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 4.22.14

    22 April 2014, 3:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed, our daily feature full of random Pope Francis pedophilia joke opportunities and candid butt shots (I know, I really fucked your eyes hard on that one, but I drink your eyerape up.) that I spend almost my entire day…
  • Selena Gomez Unfriended Kendall & Kylie

    22 April 2014, 2:18 pm by: The Superficial

    Sorry to hit you with two Kardashian-based posts in a row, but this one also involves another celebrity wanting nothing to do with them because they’re pissy shitpeople from Pissyshit Lane. According to HuffPost Celebrity, Selena Gomez has deleted all…
  • Jay Z & Beyonce Won’t Attend Kim & Kanye’s Wedding Because It’s A Reality Special

    22 April 2014, 1:29 pm by: The Superficial

    So remember not even an hour ago when I said the Gwyneth Paltrow post was the feel good story of the day? Ignore that. Forget I said that. This is the feel good story of the day. If not our entire lives. Via The Daily Mail: Jay Z and Beyonce have reportedly…
  • GOOP Is Nothing But A Common Debtor

    22 April 2014, 12:42 pm by: The Superficial

    And now for the feel good story of the day. Gwyneth Paltrow‘s infamous lifestyle website apparently isn’t the golden organic goose that lays renewable gilded Faberge eggs into a repurposed compost chateau we were led to believe. Peasants lies, we were…
  • Not Even Lindsay Lohan’s Friends Believe She Had A Miscarriage

    22 April 2014, 10:47 am by: The Superficial

    After finally watching her reality show that apparently captured reality a little too well for her tastes, Lindsay Lohan came up with an excuse for the season finale to explain why she acted exactly like Lindsay Lohan: She totally had a miscarriage, you guys.…
  • Good Morning, Leighton Meester, And Other News

    22 April 2014, 9:27 am by: The Superficial

    - Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are coordinating outfits now. - Padma Lakshmi‘s banging Richard Gere. - ScarJo‘s bouncing breasts GIFs, anyone? - Hey Airlines, Stop Overbooking Flights On Purpose - Goddamn, Maryna Linchuk… - Dawson reexamined his life…
  • The Crap We Missed – Monday 4.21.14

    21 April 2014, 4:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed where I’ll be straight with you guys, and just tell you half of this thing is more Coachella. Because if there’s one thing rich cockholes need its TWO full weekends of acting high in VIP areas and finding inventive…
  • A Word On Last Night’s ‘Game of Thrones’

    21 April 2014, 3:15 pm by: The Superficial

    SPOILERS. Get out while you still can. Don’t say I didn’t warn you… So after watching last night’s episode of Game of Thrones, I thought I left with the pretty concrete knowledge that Jaime Lannister clearly raped his sister Cersei next to the corpse…
  • Kourtney Kardashian’s In A Bikini

    21 April 2014, 2:26 pm by: The Superficial

    II. Pre-purchase identification A Kardashian must always be viewed from the hindquarters for the best price determination. These guidelines will help ascertain precisely which sister you’re bidding on and how to differentiate the three: a. Are the back…
  • Jon Hamm Called Justin Bieber A Shithead

    21 April 2014, 1:24 pm by: The Superficial

    Jon Hamm is the cover interview for the May issue of Men’s Fitness who I’ll just assume has a monthly feature called “Zen And The Art of Letting People See Your Dick.” Less importantly (You read that.), he takes a crack at Justin Bieber for being a…
  • Those Are Lea Michele’s Nipples

    21 April 2014, 12:22 pm by: The Superficial

    In case anyone’s in the mood for nipples frolicking through a hazy field from 800 yards away, here’s Lea Michele shooting a music video over the weekend where her top kept falling down because God smites awful people who should never be Batman. That being…
  • Miley Cyrus Canceled Her Bangerz Tour

    21 April 2014, 11:15 am by: The Superficial

    If you’ve noticed a sudden freshness to the air along with a general feeling of improved health across America, Miley Cyrus has officially canceled the remaining US dates of her Bangerz tour before she even got a chance to blow Teddy Roosevelt.…
  • Tila Tequila Says Tila Tequila Is Pregnant

    21 April 2014, 10:40 am by: The Superficial

    Now that Tila Tequila‘s done doing InfoWars porn – and actual porn – it’s time to resort to the famewhore spectacle of choice: faking a pregnancy. And if you’re thinking to yourself, wait a minute, didn’t Tila Tequila already try this before? Why,…
  • Lindsay Lohan Had A Miscarriage, You Guys

    21 April 2014, 9:02 am by: The Superficial

    Here’s a quick little timeline of this post for the sake of reinforcing what a gaping cuntbag of a liar Lindsay Lohan is which is my main thesis here if not every single time I talk about her. So last night I got some posts set up in advance because my…
  • Happy Easter, Constance Nunes, And Other News

    20 April 2014, 10:24 pm by: The Superficial

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  • The Most Important People on The Internet: Zombie Jesus Edition

    18 April 2014, 9:00 am by: The Superficial

    Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you a day early thanks to America’s magic mascot rising from the dead two thousand years ago because that’s literally how long we’ve been beating the zombie genre…
  • The Crap We Missed – Thursday 4.17.14

    17 April 2014, 3:00 pm by: Photo Boy

    Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, your final installment for the week as Fish and I take pause tomorrow to call our dads and thank them for not making us die an excruciating death so that you all can live your lives like giant assholes, ignore…
  • Just Kidding! Kate Upton Loves Her Boobs

    17 April 2014, 2:00 pm by: The Superficial

    Earlier in the week, the Internet lost its shit after becoming deeply concerned that Kate Upton might get a breast reduction because she hates her giant boobs. Except now she’s backtracking those remarks which she claims she never said probably because…
  • Maitland Ward Got Her Own Post

    17 April 2014, 1:19 pm by: The Superficial

    If you’re avid clicker of The Crap We Missed, you’ve probably seen Maitland Ward at some red carpet event thanks to Photo Boy’s uncanny ability to somehow not make every pic Prince Charles. So for reasons that can be described as, “How am I not seeing…
  • Holy Shit, Tom Cruise Really Did Buy Hot Donna With His Space Money

    17 April 2014, 12:25 pm by: The Superficial

    When you’re the Planetary Prince-Regent of Adamanthium 7, you get only the finest quimmelwidgets to galactic shazzlebang your norfbong. It’s practically your birthright. Which is why the rumors are true that Tom Cruise has chosen fellow Scientologist Laura…
  • Heidi Klum’s Still Topless

    17 April 2014, 11:13 am by: The Superficial

    Here’s Day 2 of Heidi Klum‘s topless vacation with 27-year-old Vito Schnabel who at one point was banging Demi Moore, but presumably saw Boba Fett crawl out of her stomach and called it a day. As for what that has to do with the price of flapjacks in…
  • Bryan Singer Accused of Raping, Drugging Teen Boy

    17 April 2014, 8:55 am by: The Superficial

    Poor little lad in his velvet coat. So innocent, so naive. Just some background, in 1997, director Bryan Singer was accused, but unsuccessfully sued, by two 14-year-old extras of being filmed naked during a shower scene in Apt Pupil that was more for Bryan…
  • Good Morning, Lexie Marlow, And Other News

    17 April 2014, 8:50 am by: The Superficial

    - Katy Perry is banging some dude named Duplo? Diplo? - Lindsay Lohan‘s reality show won’t get a second season because it stars Lindsay Lohan. - The Newly Single Chivettes Have Come Out To Play - Olivia Wilde is nude and all is right with the world. -…

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