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  • Open Post: Hosted By A Beard-Less Henry Cavill

    5 July 2015, 5:14 pm by: Michael K

    All of us: That thirsty woman with invisible brows in the background is. No, this isn’t a story about how Henry Cavill broke up with (insert the name of his latest piece, if he has one, since I cannot keep track). Henry got rid of his other beard. Superman…
  • Billy Joel Is Trying The Whole “Being Married” Thing Again

    5 July 2015, 4:10 pm by: Michael K

    When Billy Joel’s friends and family showed up to his gigantic estate on Long Island yesterday, they thought they were there for a Fourth of July party, but they quickly realized that they were actually there for his fourth wedding. Nothing will punch…
  • “Whyyyyy Did You Make Me Wear This Hand-Me-Down In Public?”

    5 July 2015, 3:11 pm by: Michael K

    While the traitor ass colonials recuperate from celebrating the anniversary of breaking up with the motherland, the British royals put on their nicest pair of bloomers and got Sunday church service elegant for 9-week-old Princess Charlotte’s christening.…
  • Hot Slut Of The Day!

    5 July 2015, 1:41 pm by: Michael K

    Carlene LeFevre, the Grand Dame of Competitive Eating! The Coney  Island boardwalk is covered in more vomit and diarrhea than usual today and that’s because Nathan’s Annual Hot Dog Eating Contest (aka the “Dear Starving People Of The World, In America…
  • Birthday Sluts

    5 July 2015, 8:00 am by: Michael K

    Edie Falco (52) Jason Dolley (24) Sean O’Pry (26) Pauly D (35) Róisín Murphy (42) Jenji Kohan (46) RZA (46) Hedi Slimane (47) Michael Stuhlbarg (47) Marc Cohn (56) Huey Lewis (65) Judge Joe Brown (68) Paul Smith (69) Robbie Robertson (72) Shirley Knight…
  • Open Post: Hosted By A Topless Wakeboarding Chelsea Handler

    4 July 2015, 5:52 pm by: Allison

    In honor of Independence Day, topless titty crusader Chelsea Handler decided to celebrate America’s freedom by strapping her feet into a wakeboard and cruising around a lake with her bald eagle eggs bouncing in the wind. Oh, who am I kidding – it doesn’t…
  • Taylor Swift Is Having A Very Taylor Swift-y Fourth Of July

    4 July 2015, 4:30 pm by: Allison

    Last year around this time, Taylor “Don’t Call Me A Desperate Clinger” Swift (seen above quite literally desperately clinging to current boyfriend Calvin Harris) celebrated the Fourth of July with a small collection of her closest famous girl friends,…
  • In “Bitch You Need The Work” News: Lindsay Lohan Turned Down A Burger King Commercial

    4 July 2015, 2:22 pm by: Allison

    Page Six says that everyone’s favorite unemployed freckled slacker Lindsay Lohan, a person seen defining the term “a check is a check” by hustling powdered milkshakes on Instagram, recently turned down a check from Burger King. Lindsay was offered the…
  • Hot Slut Of The Day!

    4 July 2015, 12:53 pm by: Michael K

    Americana, the true symbol of America whose image should be made into a gigantic statue of cooper that sits on Liberty Island in NYC. (Sorry, Statue of Libery.) In honor of the day that some of us fill our greedy mouth hole with gallon after gallon of…
  • Birthday Sluts

    4 July 2015, 8:00 am by: Michael K

    Koko The Gorilla (44) Alyssa Miller (26) Melanie Fiona (32) Isabeli Fontana (32) The Situation (33) Becki Newton (37) Elie Saab (51) David Cross (52) Ute Lemper (52) Neil Morrissey (53) Andrew Zimmern (54) Victoria Abril (56) Geraldo Rivera (72) Queen Sonja of…

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