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  • Brad Pitt Is “Too Distracting” For Jury Duty

    19 December 2014, 7:49 am by: Allison

    Anyone who’s ever tried to get out of jury duty knows that shit is expert-level hard. You gotta make up lies about your cat needing 24-hour care and being severely allergic to legal jargon and the invisible talking grasshopper who told you that everyone who…
  • Cameron Diaz Is Engaged To Benji Madden Because She Wants Babies

    19 December 2014, 6:36 am by: Michael K

    Sluts of the world, let’s all gather around and pour out a cup of ass lube for one of our slut idols Cameron Diaz, because apparently she’s retiring from the ho shit game to marry a Madden. UsWeekly says that the couple, whose nickname should be ?????…
  • The Colbert Report Ended With Randy Newman Singing At A Piano, Which Is How All Shows Should End

    19 December 2014, 6:29 am by: Allison

    Yes, I’m completely serious. Randy Newman gave us “I Love L.A.”, which in turn gave us a fame-hungry Kris Kardashian performing the cringeworthy masterpiece “I Love My Friends“, and for that we should be forever grateful. After 9 years of confusing…
  • George Clooney Is Pissed That Sony Pulled “The Interview”

    19 December 2014, 4:43 am by: Allison

    Fancy Lawyer Barbie Amal Clooney’s part-time Hollywood actor husband George has some major feelings about the Sony email hack. In case you’ve forgotten because your brain is too interested in St. Angie’s messy Cleopatra drama, several sad emails Georgie…
  • The CAPTION THIS Contest WINNERS For December 18th!

    19 December 2014, 4:42 am by: Michael K

    The Japanese Olympic Sumo Trampoline Team gets off to a slow start – Whamo Upvote winner: “Not only did Kim break the internet, she broke the damn trampoline.” – Bruinschick Pic: Break
  • Hot Slut Of The Day!

    19 December 2014, 4:38 am by: Michael K

    Derby the dog with 3D prosthetic legs! Derby was born with tiny, underdeveloped legs (he is the Dooneese of dogs), so he’s never been able to fully run and he’s had a shit of a time getting around. Tara Anderson of South Carolina took in Derby a few months…
  • Birthday Sluts

    19 December 2014, 1:00 am by: Michael K

    Kristy Swanson (45) Paulina Gretzky (26) Lady Sovereign (29) Jake Gyllenhaal (34) Marla Sokoloff (34) Alyssa Milano (42) Amy Locane (43) Tyson Beckford (44) Criss Angel (47) Jennifer Beals (51) Til Schweiger (51) Limahl (55) Tim Reid (70) Maurice White (73)…
  • Night Crumbs

    18 December 2014, 2:06 pm by: Michael K

    Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer dismissed the idea of hiring Goopy Paltrow as a contributing editor because she didn’t finish college. “What a classist snob!” said Goopy Paltrow right before she screamed at her morning maid for not using the imported tears of…
  • And Now Diana Ross Will Be Tied To The Simpson Family FOREVER

    18 December 2014, 12:10 pm by: Michael K

    It’s a week before Christmas and I’m sure you have a lot of crap to do, so don’t bruise your brain while trying to figure out what these three are wearing. Ashlee Simpson and her pretty-faced husband of 3 months Evan Ross aren’t wasting any time. E!…
  • Open Post: Hosted By Betty White Shaking Her Chichis While Dancing With A Hippo And Craig Ferguson

    18 December 2014, 10:26 am by: Michael K

    If you still can’t listen to that weird children’s Christmas song “I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas” without thinking of the desperate Falkor shaking her luck dragon tits like some kind of drunk, horny mom at her kid’s holiday pageant, then…

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