Dlisted Headline News Reader

Presenting Benedict Cumberbatch's Wet Nipples...

23 May 2013, 12:39 am by: Michael K
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In Star Trek: Into Darkness, there's a scene where Alice Eve is in her bra and chonies for basically no reason (correction: she's in her bra and chonies to give the fanboys and fanlezzies something to fap to) and J.J. Abrams got a little hate for it. So on…
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America's Soon-To-Be Busiest Plaintiff Is Going To Sue InTouch For Faking Pictures Of Her So-Called…

22 May 2013, 9:48 pm by: Michael K
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And after what felt like weeks of silence, Amanda is awake and is spreading the foolery once again.…
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And Here's Ke$hit Drinking Her Own Piss

22 May 2013, 7:47 pm by: Michael K
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I know that what you really needed today was a video of come-to-life subway seat stain Ke$hit pissing into a cut off plastic water bottle before drinking it. On last night's Ke$ha: My Crazy Life, a co-production between the CDC and MTV, Ke$hit's friend tells…
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Jose Canseco Tweets The Name And Number Of The Woman Accusing Him Of Rape

22 May 2013, 6:47 pm by: Michael K
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Detectives with the Las Vegas Metro Police Department are investigating a claim from a woman who says that former baseball player turned Twitter rambler Jose Canseco raped her on May 10th. Before it even made TMZ or any other site, Jose got a huge case of…
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Afternoon Crumbs

22 May 2013, 5:20 pm by: Michael K
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While watching Jennifer Aniston's skit for Ellen with Matthew Perry and Courteney Cox, I kept thinking to myself that this needs a laugh track and rich people have really weird front door areas - Lainey Gossip…
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The CAPTION THIS Contest For May 22nd!

22 May 2013, 4:17 pm by: Michael K
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via Kotaku (Thanks, Benjamin)
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Open Post: Hosted By The Annual Herndon Climb

22 May 2013, 4:04 pm by: Michael K
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It's the most wonderful and joyous time of year again when we all look at half-naked Naval Academy freshmen dudes (and a couple of girls) climb over each other's half-naked bodies while making their way up a Crisco'd up monument.…
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Demi Moore's New Piece Has A Pearl In His Peen... For Her Pleasure

22 May 2013, 3:38 pm by: Michael K
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Demi Moore is still living the life. She's running around in a bikini, popping her cougar puss at clubs and humping on a young hot Australian piece with a pearl-embedded dick. Demi is supposedly getting it on a 30-year-old Australian pearl diver who loves…
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QOTD: Vin Diesel Is Way Too Buff To Play Ferris Bueller

22 May 2013, 2:23 pm by: Michael K
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Let's all feel sad now, because according to Vin Diesel, there will never be a reboot of Ferris Bueller's Day Off called Bueller: 2 Fast 2 Ferris starring him, because he has way too many muscles on his body to play a role like that. The veiny penis with…
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One Of The Crazies Behind Amy's Bakery Might Be Kicked Out Of The U.S.

22 May 2013, 1:16 pm by: Michael K
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Scottsdale, Arizona is about to lose its title as the customer service capital of the world, because one of the reigning kings of customer service, Samy Bouzaglo of Amy's Baking Company, might be sent back to his homeland. The U.S. Immigration Department might…
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